You ask how people know that they are truly intimate with God. It’s hard to express in words, but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I feel God’s presence on a regular basis. I am not a naturally happy person; in fact, on my own I am suicidal. God’s presence inside me brings wonderful peace and love that could not possibly come from my own mind. He holds me close, and it’s the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever experienced.

I want to comment on your self-condemnation. You know what, the Bible says “There is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus” When you feel like God is being gracious to you and comforting you, that is HIM, not YOU! I have dealt with (and continue to deal with) this kind of thing; I am obsessive compulsive and guilt-ridden. God is infinitely forgiving. He doesn’t require penance. He can see into your heart and know that you are sorry, even before you verbalize it. He wants to forgive you instantly and hold you in His arms like a child and give you peace. He’s not looking for you to spend precious time feeling guilty when you could be enjoying Him. That’s right, enjoying Him. He wants us to rest in His embrace and delight in His love.

Yes, I’ve rambled. To close it up-The voice that is telling you to doubt your relationship with God is Satan. Seriously. Doubt never comes from God. What He wants is for us to stop worrying about what we’re feeling and whether we’re “doing it right” and to surrender to His gentleness. He’s warm, He’s peaceful, and His power doesn’t smash us; it comforts us and heals our hurts. Let Him speak His forgiveness to you, even if you think you haven’t felt bad long enough. God loves to forgive His children. He’s a loving father, and He’s delighted when we want to know Him. Remember, the Bible says, “Come near to God, and He will come near to you” You’re drawing close to Him, and He’s coming close to you. There’s no need to fear or doubt.