Many, if not all of us, have been in relationships where you think you know the person much more than you actually do. So when I think about my relationship with the Creator of all things, I sometimes question the moments I think are the most intimate.
Did I create them? Did I need some emotional response my body gave me? How can you know?
In all honesty, I really can’t answer those questions. Walking in a close, intimate relationship with God probably means you are either developing as a human in the divine image… or you are freaking nuts. At least deluded.
There are clues that my relationship with God is not a delusion. Through the gifts of the Spirit, there have been times when I have known things that could not come from inside of me. I’ve prayed for persons who have been healed. While there can be other explanations, at least there’s some evidence I’m not a complete whack job.
I’m not trying to put too much emphasis on manifestations of God’s power here, but I wonder how others who don’t share my experience truly know their intimacy with God is genuine? Now, those experiences are not all I rely on, don’t get me wrong, but when I think of things that move beyond the realm of how I feel about an experience there’s only a few things I can point to.
What got me thinking is that when I screw up, when I do something royally stupid (insert “sin” here if necessary 
), and I come to God weeping for forgiveness, how do I know that my psyche isn’t glossing over my sin when suddenly I “feel” forgiven and refreshed?
I had such an experience recently, and I felt God was also speaking some things to me as I lay on the floor begging to be cleansed, washed, changed. Some of the things almost felt “too gracious,” though in my head I know I cannot even come close to understanding the depths of God’s grace.
I believe my experience was genuine, but there’s a tinge of doubt. Most likely, it’s attached to the ongoing guilt I feel and inability I often have to forgive myself. My own self-condemnation usually lasts much longer than the judgments of others. Usually, any way.
That’s enough for now. Any thoughts, any one? I’d love some guidance right about now.
Hello. I don’t know you; I just found this through google. Hope you don’t mind.
You ask how people know that they are truly intimate with God. It’s hard to express in words, but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I feel God’s presence on a regular basis. I am not a naturally happy person; in fact, on my own I am suicidal. God’s presence inside me brings wonderful peace and love that could not possibly come from my own mind. He holds me close, and it’s the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever experienced.
I want to comment on your self-condemnation. You know what, the Bible says “There is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus” When you feel like God is being gracious to you and comforting you, that is HIM, not YOU! I have dealt with (and continue to deal with) this kind of thing; I am obsessive compulsive and guilt-ridden. God is infinitely forgiving. He doesn’t require penance. He can see into your heart and know that you are sorry, even before you verbalize it. He wants to forgive you instantly and hold you in His arms like a child and give you peace. He’s not looking for you to spend precious time feeling guilty when you could be enjoying Him. That’s right, enjoying Him. He wants us to rest in His embrace and delight in His love.
Yes, I’ve rambled. To close it up-The voice that is telling you to doubt your relationship with God is Satan. Seriously. Doubt never comes from God. What He wants is for us to stop worrying about what we’re feeling and whether we’re “doing it right” and to surrender to His gentleness. He’s warm, He’s peaceful, and His power doesn’t smash us; it comforts us and heals our hurts. Let Him speak His forgiveness to you, even if you think you haven’t felt bad long enough. God loves to forgive His children. He’s a loving father, and He’s delighted when we want to know Him. Remember, the Bible says, “Come near to God, and He will come near to you” You’re drawing close to Him, and He’s coming close to you. There’s no need to fear or doubt.
Amy Thomas
December 16th, 2007