Lent is upon us. This year, I find myself at a strange place in my life. There have been times where I have been able to give to people abundantly, yet this year, I find myself as one of the most needy of all my friends and those around me. It is much easier to be on the other end.
I read the first post in Jason Clark’s Lent blog, The Art of Giving, and I found myself a tad frustrated. I feel like I have very little to give right now. In my head, I know that is not the right attitude, but I can’t seem to get past it.
Making things worse, I think back to two trips I’ve made to the Philippines, where people who have nothing by our standards found ways to give to the rich Americans. I know I am selfish, and I cannot seem to break it.
This year, I’m going to be sacrificing very little of value for lent, but something I hope can be broken in me permanently. When I am down or exhausted, I waste time playing video games. Mostly one game in particular, but if it wasn’t there I’d find another. I zone out and waste away hours. I can go weeks and sometimes months, but then all of a sudden I’ll be a little down and I’ll start up again. I’m an addict, I think.
Although I can’t say I’ve been completely depressed lately, my finances paired with a lot of uncertainty and changing living situations has left me wanting to zone out frequently. So I’ve wasted time playing that stupid video game. Now, I’m done with it. At least for Lent, and hopefully longer.
I pray that through the reflection of Lent, the time that is freed up from giving up something, from the other disciplines I am now practicing, the Lord Jesus will make me into a better, stronger person, more like him in many ways.
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