I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the choices I make in life. When I was a pastor, I could do nothing but portray the correct image. Much of it was genuine, but there were often times where I knew I was altering my behavior because of my position.
Some feel that this is the way it should be. Pastors should be on a higher level. I personally don’t agree. Well, I don’t agree with the idea that pastors have a whole slew of things they can’t do that is okay for every one else. I think they should be further along on the journey and gifted by God to do the work that they do, but there shouldn’t be a different standard for pastors then there are for any follower of Christ.
The problem that I am running into now though, is that without the stigma and the expectations placed upon pastors, I find myself free to screw things up a lot more than I used to. This is good and bad at the same time. I can’t seem to get on the right track without that messed up system.
Don’t get me wrong, you couldn’t pay me to go back into that at this point in my life. But I am becoming more and more dissatisfied with my life. There must be a way to have that vibrancy in following after Christ without selling out to the establishment. There must be a way to be a sincere follower without becoming a right-wing pain in the arse. I am still looking for that way.
There are many things about my life that are better than they were before. Parts of my life which are more in tune with my faith. But right now, I am seeing the negatives and they scare me. I’m afraid of the choices I am now free to make. I am afraid that I’ll screw up and others will pay the price for my mistake.
It had been awhile since I just let out a good, old-fashioned ramble on the blog. So I figured now was a good time 
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